What moral principles should be picked up to apply to my life so that I could maintain a scrupulous life?

My father has just passed away, as the eldest son of the family, how should I take a good care of my mother and my younger sister? And what moral principles should be picked up to apply to my life so that I could maintain a scrupulous life? https://dmc.tv/a3459

Dhamma Articles > Question and Answer for Life
[ Dec 18^th, 2004 ] - [ read : 18265 ]

Question:
My father has just passed away, as the eldest son of the family, how should I take a good care of my mother and my younger sister? And what moral principles should be picked up to apply to my life so that I could maintain a scrupulous life?

Answer
by Venerable Dhattajeevo Bhikku

This question came by letter ; so I hereby reciprocate by answering him on air.

You as a new graduate have to take on some aspects of your father’s duty, as your sister is still studying and there are three people in the family.

Even we are living in a peaceful country, there are many fields of work that are suited to masculine skill, for instance some household tasks regarding repairing old things and utilizing waste materials, the maintenance of the house and the upkeep of the property, and so on.

Your mother’s feeling is adrift with the grief of loosing your father. Although still immature you must help her in the place of your father because your mother will definitely not be skillful in repairing the roof of the house, or fixing the panes of the house windows, for example. You must step forward to show what you can do.

As for your sister, she is becoming a teenager, while you have passed that age, you can understand her adolescent emotion. In the case that your sister has lost heart, she may turn to you for consolation feeling that you would understand her condition and for fear of being reproached by your mother,

In this kind of situation, you must stand firm and comfort her, otherwise her feelings would be more scattered and she might run away from home; then both your mother and you will be sorry.

This is in the a kind of situation where your family does not have either financial trouble or any previous internal family conflicts to worry about.

But If your sister gets into any kind of trouble, you must be strong even though you may feel heavy hearted and anxious about her behavior.

Three advisable activities that you should do are, first, have at least one communal family meal a day so that all the family members can get together once a day to exchange news and to care for each other’s well being and cheer each other up

If you notice any indication of guilt on your sister’s face, then your mother and you can guide her back to the righteous path in time.

Second, your mother, your sister and you should offer alms to the monks in the morning on a regular basis, so that a close relationship can be strengthen through daily meritorious conduct.

If your sister is reluctant to join the activity, never give up persuading her by pointing out the advantage of dedicating the merit of good deeds to your newly departed father. In referring to your beloved father, she will be encouraged.If it is for her own good sometimes she might not think of it.

She may not follow your advice and may ignore it. As for her attachment to her father, she will concentrate her mind on the offering and the dedication of merit; giving her no chance for fanciful ideas.

However, this is merely a preventative method for the time being, not a corrective measure. The best recommendation is that your mother, your sister and you set aside an appropriate time to pray and practice meditation together daily to give your mind serenity.

Besides gaining calm, your sister’s study record will improve as well as her manners and character traits.

If you do not overlook but take the three mentioned suggestions seriously, your family will be protected by a warm relationship and harmony The quality of not only your sister’s mind but also yours will be developed.

Finally, whatever might happen to your sister in the future especially if negative, do not reprimand her right away but gently talk to her instead. For without the father’s guidance, she might inadvertently do something wrong, and a strong rebuke can be another sorrow for her.

Using consolation for females is delicate. Avoid using the male’s standard to measure her.

If you treat one another considerately in this way, your family will be happy for your mother is the heart of the family for the time being.
As for you, every night before going to bed, do not forget to ask for your mother’s daily blessing; your sister should do so as well. Then both of you will lead a fulfilled life.